Still sick and got insomnia, so I'm gonna talk about one of my favorite subjects--alcohol.

Just discovered two new things I like a lot. One is Absente, which is a variety of absinthe. It's made with all the old ingredients, including wormwood. It's 110 proof (yay)! But--guess what--it doesn't taste like ass! It's not so bitter it locks your jaws, let's put it that way. I DON"T GIVE A SHIT if it's not precisely the same as it was in 1915. I can still use my nifty absinthe gear with it. But it's YUMMY. And one tiny glass will knock you on your butt. Go green fairy!

Then there's Captain Morgan's Tattoo. (I know blindgeoff is cringing right now, being a rum god and all.) Okay, it ain't expensive. But it's a pitch-black, extra-spicy, and seriously NOM.

NOM NOM NOM!

No, not the book about vampires...or the sexy '80's movie about vampires. This is a late-90's erotic horror series. Half-hour episodes, hosted by Terrance Stamp. If you missed it the first time, it's streaming on Netflix, and it's well worth a watch. Well-written, well-acted, great cast, and many of the episodes are based on fine stories by the likes of Graham Masterson and Ramsay Campbell.

Besides, the first episode totally won me over by featuring a Tiger Lillies song.

Check it out, they're bite-sized lil' nuggets of evil, sexy fun!

Sorry. Just not. I prolonged it by going to see the Tiger Lillies last night. They were WONDERFUL. And one of the few bands that can actually give me nightmares.

FLIPPER BOY! FLIPPER BOY!

Sorry.

Anyway.

So, to keep my Halloweeny state of mind going, I'm going to tell you about some horror movies I saw this season.

Paranormal Activity
Bored the snot out of me. I didn't buy it. The ending was fun. Had trouble staying awake through the rest of it.

June 9
Now THIS is a fun low-budget "found video" movie. Some (totally obnoxious) teenagers start spending every day of summer vacation in a part of rural Ohio known as "Helltown." They try to find out if there's anything to the supernatural rumors about the place, and play tons of nasty tricks on people along the way. Um...this is not destined to end well. But it was sure as hell fun!

Simon Says
If you like old-school '80's slashers, and ESPECIALLY if you like Crispin Glover, this backwoods splatfest is for you. CG puts in a delightful, over-the-top performance as psychopathic twin brothers. I'm so desperately attracted to the man that I got a little distracted, but y'know. Did I mention the home-made seige engines that fling pickaxes? Yeah...sigh...

Orphan
Evil children! Oh yeah! This is a fine, fine example of the genre. The little girl who plays Esther is adorable, and a great little actress. Poor Vera Farmiga is yet again playing the mommy of an evil offspring. (Her mental breakdown in "Joshua" was downright spectacular.) The writing is fresh and fun, and there's an awesome twist at the end. If you haven't heard about it, don't let anybody talk to you about it. Just rent that puppy! You'll never look at blacklight paint the same way again!

Dead and Rotting
Super low-budget but well written and fun supernatural snarkfest, starring the eternally gorgeous and cool Debbie Rochon. Dude! It has pumkin zombies! What's not to like about it?

Murderous Maids
Ridiculous title for a terrific movie about the Papin Sisters. "Sister, My Sister" was a creepy, poetic movie about the infamous girls, but "Murderous Maids" really digs into the sisters' relationship, and Christine's deep mental illness. Not really horror, but a great psychological study with a horrifying conclusion.

Kovak Box
Less a horror flick and more a (not so gory) Dario Argento-style weirdass thriller, but i enjoyed the heck out of it. Timothy Hutton was terrific. And the premise is sincerely creepy. Plus, it features one of my favorite songs, "Gloomy Sunday."

Population 436
Weird twist on the "messed-up backwoods town" genre of horror. Starring the totally cute Jeremy Sisto as a census taker who is puzzled by a little town that has maintained a population of 436 people for over a hundred years. ...Yeah. You can guess that nothing good can come of this. But it's a helluva fun movie.

Yes. I DO intend to drag Halloween out all the way through Thanksgiving.

From my Halloween season daze.

Here's some of what we were up to this year!

Includes pictures of the props we made for Dark Hollow Haunted Forest, the kids' costumes, and a few surprises.

(If anybody wants to know what the props are made of, let me know, I'll be happy to share.)

Please cut out the following silly bullshit immediately:

• Using mealworms in place of maggots. Dude, I know what maggots look like. Everybody knows that. And they DON"T LOOK LIKE MEALWORMS. Just set out some meat in a box outside in the summer, and soon you'll have your own bumper crop of real, live maggots.
• Stop having characters flip open their cell phones, and say "Damn, no signal" or "Shit, it's out of power!" Just...do something different. Have the evil critters mess with the characters via cell phone. Have their cell phones lost or destroyed in a car accident. Have their phones taken by Somali pirates. I realize this was a necessary trope for many years with the advent of mobile phones, but ENOUGH ALREADY!
• Stop trying to startle us with a cat. The minute the teenage knife-fodder hears a noise in the kitchen, it's the goddam kat. At least make it a ferret or a babboon or something.
• Please don't make main characters stupid. I recently saw "Paranormal Activity," and I totally didn't buy it. Not only were the characters obnoxious and irritating, and BORING, Micah had to be some of the stupidist characters in recent movie history. NOTE TO POSSESSED GIRLS: Do not move in with a total tard. it really won't help with your condition.
• If you get done with your movie and realize it sucks, don't try to make up with it with ear-bleedingly loud foley. Not scary. Just really, really loud.
• J-Horror: Enough with the wed, drippy dead girl with all the long hair in her face shambling around. I understand that character is tied in to Japanese mythology. Fine. Pick another mythological demon already! I'm tired of that silly bitch. In fact, I feel sorry for her. I just want to give her a blanket and a cup of coffee.

That is all for now. Dude. I'm freakin SERIOUS about the mealworms! SERIOUS I TELL YOU!

So O has discovered that VH1 sometimes has retrospectives on musicians that are several hours long. The "Ziggy Stardust" showing was part of a 3-hour David Bowie fest. Since he was home sick, he got caught up in a Twisted Sister marathon. He loves the music, and he loves Dee Snyder's voice. But the videos were intercut with current interviews with Dee, not wearing any make-up. O found this greatly puzzling.

"So...why did he wear that make-up in his videos, mom? I mean, he really didn't look very good. He looks a lot better without it"

"Oh, " I reply, "I think he was just trying to be shocking. Like David Bowie or Alice Cooper."

He thinks on this for a minute. "Yeah...but David Bowie looked pretty. And Alice looks cool in his make-up. Dee Snyder just looked like, um, a, uh..."

O doesn't like to say mean things, so I say it for him. "A really tall, fugly girl?"

"Yep."

"I know. That was just his thing. His way of rebelling."

O nods slowly. Rebellion he can understand. But I can see the wheels turning in his gorgeous little head. If he ever decides to wear make-up on stage, it's going to be tasteful. Or at least cool.

So...are zombies who are not dead, ala "28 Days Later" and "Zombieland," any less scary than their dead zombie cousins? I think they may be MORE scary. As much as I adore dead zombies, c'mon people, it's just not likely to happen. But a plague that makes people go nuts and eat everybody? Yeah...that could happen. Then there's the added stress of fluid-borne contagion. The zombies in "28 Days" didn't have to bite you, just drip on your eyeball or sneeze in your face or something. Ew...

And by the way, if you haven't seen Zombieland, GO DO IT! It's hilarious! Not scary, but plenty gory and just pee-your-pants funny.

Forgot the link...duh...

Must-hears: Piecees of 8ight, Scallywag, Nelly the Elephant, and Sea Monster. This is NOT just a kid's band. This is some RIGHTEOUS pirate rawk!

Just play them. You don't have to download anything and it's free.

I'm alive! Undead anyway! Happy almost-October.

I have not been in prison, or seduced away by Facebook. Just psycho-crazy-busy. I'm seeing myself coming around corners. Believe me, that's scary.

We went to the Portland Pirate Festival a couple of weeks ago. That was covered in awesome. If you've never heard Captain Bogg and Salty, do yourself a favor and check them out. Even if you're a grownup.

We had a blast. We ate. We drank. (Okay I drank.) I bought a kickass pair of tribal water buffalo bone earrings. AND we broke the world record for the most pirates in one place at one time! BOOYA! Second record O and I have helped bust this year! Zombies! Pirates! Yarr! Brrraiiiiins!

Too tired for much wit. But I have to inflict a cute O story on you. We watched "Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars" on VH1 tonight. O was captivated. He loved David Bowie's music, and he was fascinated with the Ziggy character and the story behind the album. (He already loved DB because of Labyrinth.)

He informed me that he's going to be a rockstar too. And he'll have as many fans as David Bowie. "But I'm not getting a mullet. I'm gonna have spiky punk hair like Billy Joe. And I'll probably wear pants."

Probably.

I love how he gives himself a little wiggle room there, just in case he decides to NOT wear pants.

And BTW, why is that concert film rated PG anyway? All I can think of is David Bowie's (adorable) butt peeking out from under the silk robe halfway through the show. And what does "Parental Guidance" actually mean? It means you might have to explalin something to your kids about the content they're seeing. Like David's butt? Okay, to be fair, we had a great discussion about glam rock. On the ads we went to Rhapsody and pulled up T-Rex and Queen and Sweet and everybody else I could think of.

My parental guidance obligations for that film have been fulfilled. Now we just have to wait and see if they end up in therapy from seeing David's wee butt cheek.

Sorry for the silence. Things have been batshit-crazy at work. And at home.

No whining today! Something completely different! We have these really nice neighbors. A couple of their kids ride the same bus Orion does. I get to chat with both the mom and dad quite a bit. So the other day, Fenris mentioned Halloween, and the mom turned a delicate shade of green. "We don't celebrate Halloween," she said.

Okay. I figured they were evangelicals. Not uncommon. But then she says "In fact, we check into a hotel on Halloween. We don't want to have to deal with it at all."

Right. Hardcore evangelicals. BUT THEN she says, "We don't celebrate Christmas either. Not at all. But we do celebrate Chanukkah."

Ummm...Halloween-phobic Orthodox Jews?

"Oh, are you Jewish?" I asked artfully.

"Oh, no, we're not Jewish. But do believe primarily in the Old Testament."

???

"Jehovah's Witnesses?" I ask, grasping at straws.. "My mom's neighbors are Witnesses..."

"We're not Witnesses. We do let our kids celebrate their birthdays. They get presents and everything! It's more about the Old Testament...it's...oh, you must think we're really weird." (Note: this comment made to the purple-haired tattooed white trash horror mom.)

"Not at all," I said with a smile. Then I dropped the subject, because Neighbor Mom seemed be be growing uncomfortable with it. We switched the conversation back to Curriculum Night and school lunch menus.

So here's my question. WTF religion ARE these folks? Anybody have an idea? Not that I care on any significant level. I'm completely "live and let live" when it comes to personal beliefs. But I AM extremely nosy. Just for my own satiable curtiosity, I WANNA KNOW! (I'd just ask them directly, but like I said, they seemed to be uncomfortable with the subject. WOW it would be totally cool if they were Jewish/Dagon-worshipping hybrids or something!)

I've been SO TIRED for the past week or so. I think it's mostly stress. I fall asleep when I shouldn't. I can't sleep when I should. I can't eat much of anything. Everything grosses me out.

And yes, I AM bitching and whining.

So anyway, that's why I haven't posted much lately.

The downside: I'm having trouble getting anything done.
the upside: Lost 8 pounds in two weeks.

Narf.

So Daniel and I stay up too late a lot. With me, it's chronic insomnia. With him, it's natural nocturnalism. Anyway, when you stay up late and watch TV, you see a lot of ads for 1-900 chat lines. You know, the ones where guys are supposed to call up and pay five bucks a minute to talk to "hot young girls."

They ran one ad over and over again. Some of the girls in the ad were cute. Most had had too much plastic surgery, despite the fact that they were very young. One girl in particular struck us as totally creepy. She had unnaturally tight skin, an oddly-shaped mouth clearly shaped by injections of various substances, and a startled, eyes-in-the-middle-of-the-forehead look. She scared the hell out of us.

Every time that particular girl came on, Daniel and I would yell "Yikes! It's PlastiGirl! Run! Head for the hills!" and other brilliant comments like that. But, y'know, I never wished the little thing any harm. Honestly.

But somebody killed her, knocked out her teeth, cut off her fingers, and stuffed her in a suitcase.

I feel horribly sad for Jasmine, AKA Plastigirl. She wanted to be famous, like so many other young starlets.

Now she is, for the next few minutes anyway.

It turned out not to be the jack after all. It was the adaptor. Fifty bucks instead of two-hundred-fitty. I yam happy. Feel free to email me at psychenoir once more.

Fenris: "I can't believe they let that puke Michael Vick play football again."

Orion: "When I rule the world, anybody who hurts a dog will get locked up for life."

Fenris: "Oh! I just had this great image in my head! Michael Vick and Dick Cheney in a fighting pit, with a bunch of pit bulls all around them yelling GO! GO! GO!"

Orion: "Who would win?"

Fenris: "Dick Cheney. He's got the shotgun."

Lost most of the weekend to a gnarly cold. I slept almost all day yesterday. Thanks to my dear spousal unit for letting me crash. Today I had to haul it in to work and pack up my office. NOPE didn't get laid off, at least not yet. But they're moving us for the second time in two months. We found out Thursday, which was the day I was the sickest and didn't go in. I was going to work from home in the AM on Friday and pack in the afternoon, but by the time afternoon rolled around, I was so sick and miserable all I wanted to do was mainline Nyquil and take a long nap.

It was easier than the last time I packed up. For one thing, I hadn't had time to put up posters. I also didn't unpack the drawers of my return, I just slapped a "move' sticker on it. Possibly a dick move, but hey, I had two cranky hungry kids with me.

Fed kids fish and chips on the pier, then headed back to Issaquah to buy Fenris school shoes. He's wearing men's size 9. FRRRRREAKOUT! His feet are now two sizes bigger than mine. And, um, I have kinda big feet for a chick.

By the time we got home, I was sooooooooo tired I wanted to fall face-first into bed. But since I actually want to sleep tonight, I decided that was a bad idea. Committed some art instead. Soon...very soon I will show you what I've been working on. Then the Evil League of Evil is SURE to accept me! BWAH HA HAAAAAA!

Sorry. Dr. Horrible seems to have affected my brain.

Speaking of HORROR...my laptop's power socket is going bad in a hurry. Daniel's taking it in to the repair shop tomorrow. OMIGOD! WITHDRAWEL! I WILL DIEEEEEEEEE!!!! So anyway, if you want to email me sometime in the next week, use my work addy or ArizonaDDDevil@gmail.com.

Yes. I realize this was a totally boring post. What can I say. I'm getting old and boring.

on the planet to see Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog. Just saw it. Loved it, of course.

I think Orion's going to look a little like Neil Patrick Harris when he grows up.

All hail Bad Horse!

It's done!

I think it's totally fantastic. Pass it on to 800 of your closest friends.

By the way, I'm one of the zombies in the nightclub scene. Doesn't matter which one, since all zombies look alike in the dark.

LET'S RRRRRRRRAWK!

Yes. I am spamming LJ. It's becasue I'm too freaking hot to do anything else. it's 90 degrees IN MY HOUSE.

And now back to our regularly scheduled programming. I just realized how badly I've been neglecting my book reviewing duties. Yes, I DO read--I don't just watch horror movies. I read a whole lot. Here are some of my recent favorites.

Tender Morsels by Margo Lanagan
This is a fantasy. I hardly ever read fantasies. But this one was amazing. I could say it's a feminist take on fairy tales, but that would be selling it short. It's an extremely complex and multilayered book. I have to warn you--the first couple of chapters are incredibly hard to get through. Horrendous things happen to a very young girl. I almost put the book down in disgust. I'm glad I didn't, because later I realized that the trauma our heroine goes through is crucial to forming her as a person, and explaining the choices she makes.

Great stuff, and actually not totally depresssing.

Pontypool Changes Everything by Tony Burgess
Wow. I did not see this book coming. It's a highly experimental novel by an English professor. The guy takes the language and tosses it like a demented Caesar salad. And the subject? Zombies. An entirely new type of zombies.

If you can't tolerate experimental lit, don't go here. If you are easily queased, shocked, squicked or offended, don't go here. If you want your understanding of the English language (and zombies) kicked squarely in the ass, go here. I was so amazed by this book that I finished it, closed it, said "DANG!" really loudly on the bus, then started it over and read it again.

EXTRA! There is a terrific movie based on this book. It's just called "Pontypool." It hasn't been distributed yet, but see it as soon as it's out, if you're a zombie fan. Oh, and it's nowhere near as hard to grok as the book.

The Glister by John Burnside
This is some freaky-ass horror. It's LITrature, but really, it's horror. What kind, you ask? Erm...dystopian Scottish industrial gothic. No really. This book is beautifully written. The prose is graceful, highly original, and disturbing. (Burnside is primarily known for his poetry.) Many of the events in the story are open to interpretation. The ending is WIDE open for interpretation. If you need your loose ends tied, this will drive you crazy. If not, dive in. I loved it.

Note: I just finished Burnside's The Devil's Footprints. I was rather disappointed. It started to go to a lot of interesting places, then stopped short. I found the ending weak, not because it was open ended (it really wasn't) but because the character's story arc just kind of fizzled.

Castle by J. Robert Lennon
Hey look! Another horror novel disguised as LITrature! This one is seriously creepy. Much to Lennon's credit, his totally unsympathetic main character completely rivits your interest, because he is himself so interesting, and because he is a highly unreliable narrator. Some of his Poe-like reactions to the terrors he's confronted with are disturbing and hilarious at the same time.

A lot of people didn't like this book, because they felt that it completely changed genres at the end. I have to disagree. It remains horror, just not the horror you expect. I was also shocked--SHOCKED I tell you--by how many people, some of them professional reviewers, failed to miss a crucial plot point that happens about 2/3 of the way through the book. Either they're totally unfamiliar with the model of the unreliable narrator, or they just weren't paying attention.

Or they're dumb.

Just sayin'.